Why Isn’t Halo’s Master Chief Gay?

With Facebook’s new pride react recently ending homophobia it’s time to start asking these sorts of hard questions. Despite the fact that I haven’t really played many Halo games, I still know this is bullshit. I mean I have played a bit of Halo: Reach but mainly just the multiplayer. The campaign was okay, but I feel like the engine only really gets a chance to shine when you play multiplayer. In fact one time a friend of mine suggested we play a co-op campaign which just ended with us fragging each other all the time anyway. The huge variety of weapons available is the main part of what makes the multiplayer so much fun, which is why having all weapons set to random is the only way to set up a proper match. Especially when some crazy fucker gets a hold of a Spartan Laser and actually manages to get a kill with it the absolute maniacs, oh man.

The plethora of weapons are also supported by tight and responsive controls, interesting maps that allow for strategy and mobility, and a range of abilities that cater to all sorts of play styles. This means that even on your tenth round of Boardwalk Slayer with the boys, the possibilities are endless. Will someone get sniped out of the sky on their jetpack? Will there be a shootout underneath the fountain? Is that one friend going to camp out in the passages under the balcony room with an energy sword like a bitch? Definitely the last one.

I mean, at least the story mode was better than Halo: ODST. Now I know that’s an unpopular opinion, and I appreciate what they were trying to do with the game. The open world was just such a shitty mess though. It was cramped, difficult to navigate, kinda repetitive, and some of the mission maps weren’t a lot better. Not to mention that even though Master Chief barely speaks he still manages to be more interesting than any of the characters in that game.

So yeah. I don’t think it’s too much to ask from Microsoft to let Master Chief become another icon for the gay community.


Also published on Medium.

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