Now That Michael Bay Has Opened the Door, Can We Have Simple Versions of Movies like Blade Runner?

Being the professional gaming journalist that I am, I was perusing the articles of other big name sites when something struck me. Gamers don’t want to play games anymore. Now, we here at The Insatiable Gamer™ are a very progressive gaming news outlet, and so I decided to make an article entirely dedicated to film. With Blade Runner 2049 coming out and Assassin’s Creed Origins having announced their “bang and the game is gone” button, I figured why just restrict that to games? Why let a single piece of media be inaccessible? That’s a very problematic approach, don’t you think?

Now, as you may have gleamed from the headline alone, we have Blade Runner, a film renowned for its nuances in storytelling and constantly making the audience second guess. I mean, it even has its own creator second guessing what the fuck he wants to do with his main character, that should tell you something alone. But you see, there’s a problem in and of itself. When you have to think about something, there’s the possibility it can block someone else out, as they may not come to the same conclusion. Why even bother having the questions in the first place? The original book it was adapted from should have been “Androids DO dream of electric sheep”.

Now I can already hear you asking, “But Kyle, however are we going to tell the audience what to think, feel or gain from the film as an experience?”. Don’t worry, I’ve already thought ahead. And that’s why, with the already integrated subtitles, I present to you the idea of: Subtext™. Now, how would it work? Simple. When you’re about to select subtitles for a movie, you can skip past all that boring interesting Blade Runner intrigue shite and turn on Subtext™. Which, to put simply, are upgraded subtitles. They will tell you exactly how to feel, think and what you’re gaining from this movie as a whole. No more will you have to sit and have conversations for hours with your friends, or debate on forums no one will give two shits about in a year’s time, for now you have Subtext™. I’m telling you, it’s a truly revolutionary idea. Why even bother watching the movie? Subtext™ could transcribe the entire movie into large bold font, delivered to your house, telling you the plot and how this guy’s good and this guy’s bad. No more moral dilemmas! No more grey area! No more challenges!

After all, that’s what you want, right?

1 comment

  1. Chike Marette - October 7, 2017 at 10:20 am

    this artty is jank i bet u cant beat DARK SOULS

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